Two Cents

The key to keeping three wives happy

2007-01-12T13:49:00.000-08:00

I came across an article on BBC News about a mass polygamous wedding in Cameroon. Now, polygamy is not my thing but it seems to work well for others and there was a quote that stood out because of its unintentional humor:

I have 17 children. All of us live together but each wife has her own kitchen.

Smart man. I bet that is the only way to keep everyone happy.

...Now why is it that we never see a woman with three or four husbands? Rhetorical but I couldn’t resist.

New year, more blogging

2007-01-10T10:27:00.000-08:00

I fell off the blog wagon a few months ago because I became busy and forgot my password – Blogger support was very helpful and I'm back...

Happy New Year! May this be a year of health, happiness, less celebrity culture and more sound thinking.

Fly me, or my photo, to the moon

2006-09-06T15:29:00.000-07:00

For everyone who thought buying that special someone a star couldn’t be topped, I found a new gift perfect for any special occasion: sending your loved one, family, or self to space by way of your favorite photo. The site is called RocketFoto and is clever in that if-only-I-thought-of-that way like the Chia Pet or Clapper clap-on light switch.

The next launch date is October 21.

Down south

2006-08-14T09:13:00.000-07:00

A view of the Hotel Del Coronado last week and a shot below of an interesting species of rhinos at the San Diego Zoo's Wild Animal Park. I recommend San Diego as a vacation spot, it's great for children and adults as there is plenty to see and do.

Power trip

2006-07-24T14:14:00.000-07:00

I’m glad to see that the American Bar Association is in top form. I constantly hear from legal eagles how Bush thinks he is king by making his own rules and today’s CNN story helps back up these opinions. In a nutshell, Bush writes exceptions to laws he signs, known as bill-signing statements, which basically say that he reserves the right to change or translate certain laws based on constitutional grounds.

"This report raises serious concerns crucial to the survival of our democracy," said the ABA's president, Michael Greco. "If left unchecked, the president's practice does grave harm to the separation of powers doctrine, and the system of checks and balances that have sustained our democracy for more than two centuries."

Let me remind us all that Bush works for us, not himself or the oil companies owned by friends. My personal opinion is that this is an abuse of power and to believe that one is the only person that needs to be involved in the decision making process of laws is ignorant and dangerous.

Pull the numerous stunts that Bush has gotten away with at any company, perhaps with Enron as the exception, and he would have been fired by now.

Common courtesy is not rocket science

2006-07-19T13:13:00.000-07:00

Each time a new technological gadget or form of communication is introduced to the masses, a guideline for proper handling and etiquette should be required for consumers to read/listen to/watch before use can begin.

It took me years to convince my dad to take his cell phone calls outside of restaurants but there's now another trend that requires a little how-to help on the etiquette front: text messaging.

My friend and former coworker Molly is a hilarious, independent, single mother who looks related to Kelly Ripa and has been giving online dating a try. She has had fairly decent luck but the last two men, each of whom she has taken a month to get to know, share a common thread: they cancelled their first dates with her via text messages. That’s right, they sent a text message which comes from the same gadget known as the cell phone.

Molly is understandably disappointed but mainly because neither of these men took the time to pick up the phone and instead opted for the easy way out: I’m sorry, I can’t make it tomorrow. Will call you to reschedule. One could spend hours analyzing the text versus calling factor but in this case it’s safe to say that her dates just didn’t care enough or feel attached enough to make the effort; better to find out early that these dates were duds from the start.

I dated a guy a few years ago who would text me about our weeknight plans. We’d carry on brief chats that went something like this:

Him: Dinner?
Me: sure
Him: what should we have?
Me: Thai, Japanese or burgers are fine
Him: In n Out?
Me: Ok. Your place?
Him: Yes, 7 ok?
Me: Ok. I'll pick up food.

We made plans via text to catch a movie one night and he completely forgot about it because his cell phone was in the car (the ultimate lazy move and excuse). Here’s the kicker: he was supposed to swing by my place and pick me up on the way. He didn’t even remember our plans until I drove to his place after being unable to reach him, worried something had happened, only to find him watching an All Blacks rugby match he had taped. Hindsight, I tell you.

Technology is fantastic except when it makes us lazy. Text when you’re on your way or running late. Call when you’re cancelling a date.

He who is incompetent

2006-07-17T11:22:00.000-07:00

I try not to get too political but I can’t bite my tongue on this one.

Honestly, Bush (I have a difficult time labeling him President Bush) is creating one gigantic mess and the fact that he was reelected still baffles the mind. But back to the topic at hand, the comments heard ‘round the world today that reinforce what most of us know: an idiot is supposedly in charge of the U.S. and rising to his level of incompetency, per what’s known as The Peter Principle.

“See the irony is that what they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this s*** and it’s over,” Bush told Blair as he chewed on a buttered roll.

Bush’s comments accidentally caught on tape should be enough for even hardcore Republicans and those not interested in politics to understand how completely out of touch Bush is when it comes to… politics. I don’t believe he comprehends the history or background involved in what’s happening in the Middle East. You want peace? You have to get in there and talk to the other countries, being a phony only makes matters worse.

And let me be clear, I don't dislike the guy. I'm sure Bush would be fun to grab a beer with down at the local drinking hole after a long day. However, I strongly feel he's destroying the country and our relations with all other countries. He'd do well pursuing other career opportunities outside of politics. The sooner the better.

The U.S. cannot afford to wait for 2009.

War, what is it good for?

2006-07-14T18:49:00.000-07:00

It is difficult for me to watch and read the news as of late, war between any country or people puts knots in my stomach and it is worse when deeply rooted religious beliefs are involved. This “open war” threat between the Hezbollah group and Israel is disturbing; I cannot fathom the level of hatred and sorrow that escalates tension to a level where civilians are fleeing for safety. Let me rephrase: I do not understand where the logic is involved.

And given history, I wonder and worry how many of the weapons being used were at some point - even if indirectly - provided by the U.S.

No complaints here

2006-07-07T16:47:00.000-07:00

Every few months I have a work deadline that requires large consumptions of coffee in order to stay alert and productive. This week and last were deadline weeks and one morning, while standing in a line for coffee that snaked out the door and around the corner, I noticed something I hadn’t picked up on before: nobody complains while waiting in line for coffee.

I have heard under-the-breath muttering and near tantrums from adults in much shorter lines like the 15 items or less express line at a grocery store or one hour dry cleaning place down the street, but everyone acts civilized and patient in lines for coffee – even when only two baristi stand behind the counter during the morning rush.

Does the desperate nature of needing coffee override the impatience most of us have when standing in lines? One has to wonder, especially when nobody turns away from ridiculously long lines for one cup of joe we were too lazy to brew at home.

Where's Calgary?

2006-06-21T07:59:00.000-07:00

I was explaining to a friend, a former flight attendant on domestic routes, that my plane leaving from San Francisco to Europe had to stop in Calgary to refuel. I found it amusing because I thought, wow, gas prices must be bad when you have to make a stop in a different country en route to your non-stop destination.

“Where’s Calgary?” she asked.

She wasn’t joking.

When I was explaining this to another friend, out of concern that a former flight attendant didn’t know her geography, she said to me, “um, I don’t know where it is, either.” Oops.

Two smart women, one with street smarts and one with a university degree. Neither know their geography. And to be fair, I don't know everything about geography... but Canada is our neighbor.

Calgary is in the province of Alberta, Canada.

One reason to travel...

2006-06-20T08:23:00.000-07:00

...beautiful scenery and a chance to catch your breath.

Kullaberg

Town of Mölle, Sweden

These photos were taken on the same day in May. The rain turned to sun... turned to rain and sun again.

(I left my digital camera at home and used a disposable again, hence a bit grainy.)

Life lesson

2006-06-14T15:14:00.000-07:00

I have it made up in my mind that my parents will be around as long as I am. They’ll stop aging at 70 and I’ll always be able to pick up the phone and hear their voices on the other end. Then reality sends a reminder.

The pain on my cousins’ faces as we buried their father’s ashes, my uncle, was torture. He passed away a few months ago and now with schedules coordinated, they had to relive his death one more time as the entire family gathered for the ceremony. In true Swedish form, there was no dramatic crying but you could feel the sorrow.

We later made it a festive evening because as my aunt said, my uncle would not appreciate us feeling sorry for him. Nobody cooked, food was catered, and wine glasses were refilled well into the night.

How lucky I feel to have known my uncle as well as I did. How lucky I am to still have my dad.

Finding healthy balance

2006-05-10T18:22:00.000-07:00

There are two new television shows I find myself watching if I happen to catch them: Jamie’s School Lunch Project and
Honey, We’re Killing the Kids.

Jamie’s School Lunch Project is a reality program centered around Chef Jamie Oliver’s attempt to bring nutritious, economical lunch food to cafeterias across London schools in order to help develop healthier eating patterns in kids so they can be stronger and smarter in the long term. It’s interesting to see how difficult it is for the kids to accept healthier food versus the faster, fattier, and tastier food they’re accustomed to eating. Issues that also factor in are how to make healthy lunches at affordable costs for the schools and how peer pressure and fear of change affect kids.

Honey, We’re Killing the Kids is somewhat similar but centers around the parents cooking/eating patterns and how it is taking a toll on their children and could take a larger toll if they continue these habits later in life. A nutrition expert is brought in for three weeks and each week the program tackles a new family and different set of rules for the family to follow on their road to healthier eating and lifestyle goals.

Now, I realize I’m not a parent yet but I was actually 50 pounds overweight almost three years ago. I can’t blame my parents, though, because I was the kid at school with the bag of carrots and apples while other kids enjoyed cookies. I gained the weight on my own but I’m drawn to these two programs because I understand how difficult change can be and how important it is to be healthy. (I’m happy to report that diet, exercise and patience really do work to drop pounds.)

I’ve also noticed a trend of expanding waistlines in Swedes during recent visits to Sweden. When I was younger, McDonald’s did not exist in the town my mormor (grandmother) lived and most people were in good shape thanks to an active lifestyle that includes walking and biking. Later, as a teenager, I noticed a larger influx of chips, soda and one McDonald’s (that has since become two) but to be fair, there are plenty of regular/traditional foods in Sweden loaded with tasty fat. Then, two years ago, it was striking how many people appeared more unhealthy and less active. It’s not something I was trying to find or notice, it simply was what it was. From the perspective of someone who sees change more readily than a person living full-time in Sweden, I can’t help but think that easier access to cheap, fatty foods – and other modern changes – play a role.

Then again, perhaps I don’t see the changes that happen here in the U.S. because I’m too close to the situation. We’ll see about that when I return from an upcoming trip to Sweden but in the meantime, I’m enjoying (and recommending) these shows and keeping a few notes in mind for the future.

Sign of the times

2006-05-01T15:43:00.000-07:00

Tall, leafy trees line my neighborhood streets where new two-story townhouses have popped up amid older one-story homes and my reasonably priced apartment complex. I enjoy the blend of older couples, young families, and single folks from all corners of the world that live in the area. It’s a diverse, friendly location that I take pleasure in calling home.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I learned the price of one of the cookie-cutter townhouses going up for sale a block away: $915,000. You have got to be kidding me. These homes were marketed for “affordable single-family living” when they first started selling the models – how on earth does the average single-family afford such a small space for that outrageous price?

I had stopped in to explore the open house with a friend while walking to a nearby coffee shop. We did the full tour of the 1,500 square foot home. There is no backyard, just the garage and the only selling point (for me) was the large kitchen. It’s a three-bedroom home and the two smaller rooms, on display as children’s rooms, were barely large enough for a toddler to play in. There was little storage space and the only bit of green grass was a patch in the front “yard” by the main entrance – not enough to bother purchasing a lawn mower which must be why someone is hired to cut ALL the lawns.

There is one thing I suddenly realized after leaving the open house: I’ve never seen or heard children playing in front or around any of these homes. There are kids at my apartment complex and kids that I’ve said hello to while jogging in the neighborhood, but never at these homes. Perhaps those who buy the new townhouses understand shortly thereafter that there is no money left for kids.... which would explain why the "affordable single-family living" signs disappeared.

Where are the good role models?

2006-04-12T14:46:00.000-07:00

Vice President Cheney was booed yesterday when making the first pitch at a Washington Nationals baseball game. It was shown during the news program I was watching yet I have seen little coverage on it today except here.

I bring this up because after a recent discussion with my friend’s father, a high school teacher at my former school, I’ve been wondering one question: Who are the current leaders for kids to look up to and learn from nowadays? And I mean leaders with integrity and class, not leaders tied to deals with Enron, Halliburton and the like but leaders with good intentions to shape a smarter, healthier, saner world.

The discussion with my friend’s father started after I asked him whether he had seen an increase or decrease in students thirst for knowledge from the time he began teaching.

“Well, we now have drug dogs at the school,” he began. “A top basketball player was kicked off the team last year when the dog found half a joint in his car during a random check.”

“He should have finished smoking it,” I half-joked as he shared more thoughts on the decline in student enthusiasm.

He continued on about how discussions that once led to thoughtful comments and ideas from kids now leave silence in the room. Nobody speaks up and when they do, it is information from the text and not an original thought. The kids just want to get through the homework taken from the textbooks and pass the exams.

It wasn’t that long ago when I was in high school and a few graduates in my class moved on to Yale, Wesley and plenty of other “great" universities. Sure, two girls were pregnant at graduation but that happened in the ‘50s, too. Some kids were even on drugs but drug dogs now? Has it changed that much at this private school where a dress code is enforced?

There are plenty of reasons why things look grim and this is based only on my old school and what I hear now: parents are rarely home, kids have immediate gratification with the Internet and video games, they get bored easily, have little patience to listen and learn, they can’t focus or decide on the numerous options available to them, they don’t hear the word “no” often enough, our education system and parenting skills are lagging, and our leaders are not the best role models.

I remember one guy in high school who drove a beautiful green BMW, a car that a teenager doesn’t need. He confessed to me one day that the BMW was a gift from his dad and, in essence, replaced the guilt his dad felt for moving away after divorcing his mom. It also replaced parenting because my friend never saw his dad and his mom was busy working.

Who was his role model?

Weather results

2006-04-06T13:16:00.000-07:00

It is finally clearing up after what feels like a month of rain. I have no complaints, we need it. A little sun will serve us well and the best result of the rain are the green hills near work, pictured here.

The man has cojones

2006-04-05T15:06:00.000-07:00

Saturday evening I had nine people over for a game night. My definition of game night includes a group of good friends, food to nibble, strong drinks, and games to play like Catch Phrase and Turbo Cranium.

There was a knock on the door a few hours into the drinks and games and, living in an apartment complex, I immediately thought it was someone ready to complain about the noise as the walls are thin enough to hear kitchen cabinets closing. Standing before me was the neighbor next door, someone I have said hello to in passing for almost three years.

“Are we being too loud?” I asked in that feeling-guilty voice.

“Actually,” he said, holding up a bottle of wine (a good bottle, too), “I was hoping I could join.”

You can’t say no to someone with the cojones to join a group of strangers he has only heard laughing and chatting through the wall.

Needless to say, he was immediately welcomed in, made friends with everyone, networked with one, and allowed me to refill his wine glass three times.

We're hanging out again soon.

Top 10 desktop diversions

2006-03-29T11:20:00.000-08:00

Courtesy of Business Week magazine, here is a list of top ten Web diversions to keep handy when moments of mindless bliss are needed. Enjoy.

Pacific Heights

2006-03-20T08:43:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's view from my friend Shannon's living room window in the Pacific Heights neighborhood of San Francisco. You can see the tip of the Transamerica building (which is over the hill).

Cultural divide

2006-03-15T13:47:00.000-08:00

“Does it bother you that you’re the minority in this store?” my last serious boyfriend, who happened to be East Indian, asked as we were wandering up and down the aisles of an Indian grocery store looking for MTR brand masala and frozen roti to make for a quick dinner.

It didn’t bother me in the least and in large part I have my parents to thank. I was raised blind to color. My parents never said look at that black man or oh, what a beautiful Chinese baby. They always said things like what a nice man or apologize for bumping into that woman. I had a black roommate my freshman year of college and I’ve had white, black, German, Mexican and multiracial roommates since.

I wasn’t prepared, though, for how my recent fling ended this past weekend. The man I had been seeing the past month was, by coincidence, also East Indian but from a much stricter background than my ex. This man had attended a boarding school during his childhood years in India, a great university on the east coast and had lived in the Bay Area the past eight years.

“My parents called last night and want me to meet someone that lives in New York,” he said over brunch in the mutual location he had selected for this talk. “My dad has never asked me for a favor, my mom was crying over the phone, and I feel horribly obligated to do this. If we had been dating longer, it would be a different story. I’m the only one in the U.S. and forgot about my family obligations in Chennai.”

He told me later what I had already guessed from our long conversation that morning: his mom did not like the idea of her son dating a white woman. He had just told them about me the night before and it didn’t go over very well. And when it comes down to it, I feel sorry for the guy and am glad we dated only a short period and can remain friends.

I have experienced growing up bilingual and having half of my family living on another continent. I, however, do not have the burden of being raised Western with expectations to follow Eastern traditions. I do understand the cultural divide and I respect it. I just hate that at age 31, the guy I dated with an incredible amount of potential for a long-term relationship had to succumb to traditions that he’ll likely make sure his children never have to endure.

Race, culture, globalization and the relationships that develop carry interesting burdens, traditions and potential. It’s the process of adapting, teaching and learning from one another that really creates growth and generates understanding.

On a side note, there’s a semi-interesting new series on television regarding switching races called Black.White.

Camera happy in Torino

2006-02-27T16:44:00.000-08:00

In watching the opening and closing ceremonies of the Torino Olympics, I couldn’t help but notice a trend: large numbers of athletes carrying camcorders, cameras and cell phones as they walked into the arena. Is too much technology ruining the live events we participate in?

I only ponder this because I was personally annoyed at watching the athletes on television who in turn were doing their own taping or talking on the phone. On the one hand, sure I would want to tape my experience in Torino or someplace exciting and share it with my family. On the other hand, who really wants to sit around and look at it again?

I used to be snap-happy on trips but I’ve calmed down. I have to ask myself what photos I truly want to keep and what realistic number of photos do I add to the album to share before I reach that limit where friends begin refusing to come over for dinner.

But it's not just Torino that has me wondering why we can't use technology with more sense. It's the couple walking down the street together talking on their cell phones to other people. It is my ex who spent most of our weekend trip to Monterey videotaping the sights while I missed out enjoying that time with him. It's that one guy in the theater who insists on checking the time on his brightly lit phone five times during the movie his girlfriend dragged him to see.

Some things are savored more when they’re not overdone.

Dumbing-down needs to stop

2006-02-14T16:42:00.000-08:00

I wish that the intelligent, logical, sensible, kind people of the U.S. would be in the press more often than the, uh, hmmm, how should I phrase this… smaller percentage that might not provide the best representation for the country. Two examples already this week that make me want to hide under the covers:

1) Dick Cheney, Vice President, for shooting his hunting friend. How on earth does one mistake an average-sized man for a bird? I’ll refrain from sharing all my negative thoughts on the guy and this incident because they're just not nice.

2) Pamela Anderson who has good intentions with PETA but actually stated that the Kentucky Derby “makes me want to avoid Kentucky altogether, which is sad because there are so many great people there.” There are a lot of bad drivers in California but I still live here. Be realistic.

C’mon reporters, you are not helping unite any widening divides between our country and others by reporting only on the dumb moves a handful of people make. Report more good, less bad and let’s stop the dumbing-down here in general.

Never sell yourself short

2006-02-13T17:07:00.000-08:00

I turned down a job today.

The interview went well, the three people I met were intelligent and genuine, the job would be with a large company where there was potential for growth and the location would be a reverse commute. But I had to say no.

They provided me a salary starting at less than what I know my experience, education and skills are worth. I had no choice because in the grand scheme of things, never sell yourself short.

Over the past week, I’ve picked the brain of five friends across senior and mid-levels positions. I found several common factors they all mentioned that helped me weigh my decision today:

Know how much you’re worth – your degree/education, years of experience and skills add up
Know how low you are willing to go – if the offer is too low, maybe you can negotiate more telecommuting days
Stand up for yourself – even if you are miserable in your current position, put on the logical thinking cap when salary negotiations arise and understand that accepting a low offer would create a bitter attitude within yourself if you did accept the position; nobody wants to start a new job feeling that they are underpaid for their level of skills/education/experience
Move on – the right job is out there and view a minor setback as a learning experience

It might be risky and scary to expect more jobs to open up after thanking no to an offer, but it’s well worth it to go to work happy and enjoy what you do.

No, thank you.

Next.

20 years ago today

2006-01-28T12:46:00.000-08:00

Certain memories from the elementary school years stick with you. Mine include practicing earthquake safety, the teacher who pointed at students with her crooked index finger, peanut butter and banana sandwiches that had a hint of Polo aftershave taste when my dad made them, and the Challenger explosion.

I was in third grade when the Challenger went down. Two third grade classrooms separated by a folding wall suddenly became one during our reading period. Fifty students huddled around the same television set as two concerned teachers tried to explain what was happening on the screen. It was a lot for a third grader to digest and it was all the adults talked about for weeks.

Twenty years have flown by and I keep reading about concerns over the NASA space program. It’s unsafe, it’s expensive, it’s this and that. My two cents: it’s a program that should be pursued with understanding by non-scientific folks (me included) that we don’t have all the kinks of space travel figured out yet but the more we continue improving on past experience and future ideas, the less accidents and more leaps we’ll make. A visit to a space center will open your eyes like it did mine; utterly amazing.

The driving force

2006-01-27T17:41:00.000-08:00

There are mornings where I’m faced with two choices as I slide behind the wheel of the car: a) stay on track and head directly to work without passing "go" and collecting $200 or b) continue along the congested freeway until I find the appropriate anywhere-but-there exit. If decent public transportation was available along my route, I would not feel compelled to create such options for myself. However, seeing as that’s not an option, I officially declare a case of I’m-in-a-rut due to the overwhelming temptation of option b in recent weeks.

This week, however, has been the granddaddy of anywhere-but-there fantasies. After four years at a fairly decent gig, I see the need for change in my immediate future. I’ve considered leaving for several months but I found the driving force to set me into high gear on the job hunt: new management.

A classic CEO move has been discovered this week and idyllic masks have been removed. It’s the move where the new boss comes in promising unity, continued growth and the almighty open door policy. In hindsight, I realize my gut instinct of something isn’t right here while hoping I was wrong was…well, right. Fast forward three months and all I hear are complaints about the disappearing CEO. Essentially, the open door has slammed shut. Key people are being left out of important decision-making meetings, the CEO has formed the class system of new communication channels and too many people, my department and self included, are left in the dark. When the lights go out the scrambling of blame, low morale and bitterness can be heard in the far corners as someone tries to find the missing light switch. If this were a play I would curtsy and exit stage-left.

I will refrain from exiting until I find a new opportunity but there is no point staying in an unrewarding work environment. Time to grab the bull by the horns and make a change. Like moving, change is scary until you’ve actually gone through it. It’s time again to look forward to heading to work in the morning.

Observation tower

2006-01-23T08:43:00.000-08:00

This is one view from the 360 degree observation tower at the de Young Museum Sunday in Golden Gate Park. The morning was slightly overcast but it cleared in the early afternoon.

(For whatever reason, the side of the observation tower in this photo is not visible.)

Enjoy the ride

2006-01-22T08:08:00.000-08:00

This past week was tough. It’s one thing to say goodbye to a grandparent who has lived a long life, it’s a whole other ball of wax to say goodbye to a relative who had several good years left.

A death in the family is a reminder that life is short and we’re not as invincible as we thought. We don’t choose when things end but we do choose how to enjoy the ride, make the most of experiences and savor the memories.

If you’re depressed, get help. If you’re unhappy, make changes. Do whatever you can to avoid looking back on your rocker with a coulda, woulda, shoulda attitude. Sit on the rocker with stories from a life well lived, including the ups and downs, to share instead.

My uncle wasn't on his rocker when he passed but he sure had a great ride.

My uncle, the cool one

2006-01-13T16:57:00.000-08:00

The call came a few hours ago. It’s the call from a loved one when you instantly know by tone of voice that something is wrong.

“He’s gone, isn’t he?” I asked my dad. My mom couldn’t make it to the phone because her brother, my uncle, just passed away. She was set to leave Wednesday to spend time with him in Sweden. Without another thought, I walked over to my coworker and friend and received the hug I desperately needed.

Having family spread out across continents can be difficult but no matter how far apart we are, we manage to stay in touch and make every effort to see each other when possible.

I spent most summers growing up in Sweden and each family member has left a unique impression on me through the years. My uncle was the cool one. He was this quiet, calm, stubborn gentleman who would unexpectedly make the most hilarious observation about any topic with a straight face. He thought before he spoke and his words were never sugar-coated. The family motto translated in English is the tone is raw but heartfelt. I was scared of him when I was younger because I wasn’t sure how to read his quietness, but we bonded the summer I spent a week sailing with him and my cousin Lotta. The three of us had a fantastic time circling various Swedish and Danish islands, stopping and renting bikes for a few hours and finding good places to bask in our surroundings.

As I grew older, our time together during summer and the occasional winter was always better than the last visit. My uncle would drop by with breakfast buns fresh from the bakery or I would be invited to my uncle and aunt’s home for delicious homemade meals. We would sing snaps visor, drinking songs, during gatherings and I have saved all the letters I received as my uncle preferred to keep his computer, a gift from my cousins, in the attic rather than succumb to the age of technology.

Because my uncle had Leukemia for years, I wasn’t prepared for his health to take a turn for the worst this quickly. With the news steadily declining in recent weeks, I learned to finally accept it. My cousins managed to shift work schedules to be there for my uncle and aunt as he passed away and that speaks volumes about how important they are to each other. I wanted to be there but my mom assured me that it was best that only the immediate family was there. Part of me is grateful that my last image of my uncle is the one from my 2004 visit, pictured here, enjoying drinks and crayfish into the long summer night.

I love him, miss him and will remember him.

I didn't mean it... I swear

2006-01-12T16:14:00.000-08:00

Oh, how quickly some will change their tune when $50 million is on the line.

Pat Robertson, (extreme) television evangelist, publicly remarked last Thursday that Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon’s recent stroke was caused because he was “dividing God’s land.” That’s a very twisted statement and sadly (too) many listen to Robertson, a man who apparently means what he says…that is, until yesterday.

Robertson wrote a letter to Sharon’s son apologizing for "remarks which I can now view in retrospect as inappropriate and insensitive in light of a national grief experienced because of your father's illness." I think I just lost my appetite.

Robertson apologized because Israel threatened to exclude him, and those who shared his thoughts on Sharon's stroke, from a proposed $50 million religious heritage site in Israel.

I bet $50 million (in Monopoly money) that Robertson wouldn’t bother apologizing if money wasn't on the line.

I can't comprehend that people actually believe the jerk.

But officer...

2006-01-11T17:42:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe a pregnant Arizona woman tried to claim that her unborn baby legally qualified her access to the carpool lane.

The carpool lane of a freeway is reserved for two or more people riding in the same vehicle. Its purpose is to encourage more carpooling and less traffic by providing the two-or-more folks, generally all of driving age, the benefit of using this less-congested lane to and from work during peak traffic hours (unless you live in Los Angeles where carpool lanes are enforced 24/7).

It amazes me how creative people can be with their excuses. We already have signs and warnings on everything we purchase or do because of the potential legal ramifications generally created by people who know how to work the system, so to speak (like suing for hot coffee... of course coffee is hot). It sounds like we now need to clarify freeway signs and add another one alongside Slow Traffic Keep Right and Carpool Lane 3 a.m.-9 a.m. to read Carpool Lane for Two or More People Age 5 and Over.

Common sense is disappearing fast and it might be time to start a conservation foundation in order to save it.

You can't have it both ways

2006-01-09T16:48:00.000-08:00

Lately I’ve seen, heard, and read a lot of coverage about day-laborers. Some stories have covered the opposition toward day-labor work sites built with tax-payer dollars while others have interviewed day-laborers.

In a nutshell for those unfamiliar with the term day-laborer, a day-laborer is typically someone who finds a central location to be picked up for work that is usually only on a daily basis and revolves around construction, fruit picking or yard work; sometimes you’re lucky to get work for the day, sometimes you’re not. Most day-laborers are illegal immigrants who are in the U.S. to find work to help support their families in a different country or earn a better living for themselves because the wages offered in their country are too low.

The article here revolves around tax-payer dollars being used to build a day-laborer center, a place where day-laborers can stay out of the streets while seeking work. Many people are upset by this because of the illegal immigration aspect but I can’t help but share a question I have:

Is there anything different about outsourcing production to cheaper places like China and Taiwan versus hiring illegal immigrants to provide cheap labor here in the U.S.?

Not really. Bottom line is large companies and small local companies are all trying to make a profit while cutting costs in other areas. So basically, you can’t have it both ways. You either pay a regular workforce normal wages and lose some profit or you hire someone willing to be paid less for a day or until the job is finished.

I admire the strength of day-laborers for enduring the unknown day-to-day job status to better themselves. I also admire those who help them and hope that others can take a look at more pressing issues surrounding labor rather than the laborer themselves. As long as someone is willing to hire them, day-laborers are willing to do the work.

Until next year...

2005-12-23T17:16:00.000-08:00

Season's Greetings!

This winter wonderland photo comes from a relative in the midwest. I'm off now on holiday for a week. Enjoy your holiday and happy new year!

Hello and goodbye... and hello again

2005-12-22T10:11:00.000-08:00

The good stuff of everyday living, that place where we are most content and secure, is found in the middle of our relationships, careers, and education, to name a few. This year I learned that it’s often the hellos and goodbyes that outline how the good stuff begins, ends and changes us.

At the beginning of the year, I said goodbye to a witty, intelligent guy who showed me that after a year he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. It was a fantastic year. I learned that I was capable of loving deeply. I also learned that I was strong enough to say goodbye for reasons that mattered.

Mid-year I learned that a family friend was one step closer to losing her battle with breast cancer. I mentally prepared for the inevitable goodbye. After years of struggle, a strong fight, her body decided it was enough. I had no choice but to say goodbye when she passed away. I think of her often.

Last month, I said hello to a college ex I hadn't seen in two years. He was always a good guy, he just wasn't the right one for me. We picked up where we left off on better footing, covering unanswered questions, and moving on as friends. I met up with him last week for a movie and drinks, helping him answer his dating dilemma questions throughout the evening. We fit well as platonic buddies. Hello again, friend.

This month I'm mentally preparing for another goodbye, one close to my heart. My uncle is losing his battle with Leukemia and has already prepared himself for the end. I'm not prepared. I'm trying to stay strong and find that mental zone where I can help my parents through this difficult time while trying to face losing yet another person I dearly love and respect. I'm not ready to say my final goodbye but I’m beginning to accept it.

I say hello to 2006 with the lessons I’ve learned this past year. I look forward to a year of endless possibilities, new beginnings and, of course, inevitable endings. Most importantly, I look forward to the good stuff in the middle.

Unnatural habitat

2005-12-21T11:55:00.000-08:00

“Where can I find Britney Spears?” asked the frustrated man to the clerk stocking CDs behind me. He was without a doubt a father, uncle or family friend in search of a memorable holiday gift for someone I would safely guess to be a female in her early teens. There we were, all of us wandering around this large music store, looking a little bewildered as we hoped to find something within an acceptable price range for someone we cared about but perhaps did not love and maybe only considered an acquaintance.

This was my last stop on my holiday shopping trek. I admit that I enjoy observing fellow holiday shoppers, the facial expressions alone speak volumes. My personal favorites are the men, especially men in search of a nice outfit in the women’s section of a department store. These men are not shopping for their sister or mother, definitely a wife or new girlfriend because they look like they’d rather be dealing with kidney stones. I can almost feel the tension sitting on their shoulders, the expectation weighing on them because they know the wrong gift or size sends the wrong message with catastrophic results.

Many women, on the other hand, are in their natural habitat when it comes to holiday shopping. I’m not much of a shopper but I know for the most part where to find what. However, some women take their shopping list and run… you over. Elbows are out, helmets are on, some women rarely smile (maybe that’s to avoid cracking the makeup) and they’re bold in their demands and treatments of sales clerks. I feel sorry for their spouses.

I always end my holiday shopping at the music store because it’s easy, fun, I always remember someone I forgot, and I usually treat myself to a little something while I’m there. I ended up with a stack of six CDs and the checkout clerk loved the pick on top.

“I’m a HUGE Coldplay fan,” he said, showing off the key chain he bought at their latest concert. “This is my absolute favorite CD,” he continued, listing his favorite tracks. Then he got down to the last two CDs in my pile and noticed, beaming, that I had two more of the same Coldplay X & Y album. “I’m a huge fan of Coldplay, too,” I said.

He asked if I needed a gift receipt for my CDs. I thanked him no. “I’m going to make my family and friends love Coldplay and all the gifts I bought them this year.” And on that high note, my holiday people watching and shopping came to an end…well, after making it out of the final parking lot alive.

Zig zag

2005-12-14T08:13:00.000-08:00

Driving under multiple overpasses in San Jose.

Irreversible decision

2005-12-13T09:03:00.000-08:00

Stanley Tookie Williams, gang co-founder and convicted murderer who later became an anti-gang activist, died by lethal injection this morning in California. I understand that what he did was wrong but it’s not a sound reason to take his life. It would have been more beneficial to our society if he was provided the opportunity to educate children, teenagers and adults about what he learned and why he became an anti-gang activist.

Wherever capital punishment is in place, crucial bounds to the conscience of a people are missing. Bounds against the criminal perversion to simply step over human life.
~ Prof. Dr. Ferdinand Kadecka (1874 - 1964)

You believe an eye for an eye until you're put in that situation. If they kill those guys, it really doesn't mean much to me. My father is gone.
~ Michael Jordan on the murderers of his father James

Take off the blindfolds

2005-12-12T12:26:00.000-08:00

I can relate to Zach Rubio, the 16-year-old suspended for briefly speaking Spanish at school. We’re both fluent in another language, speak unaccented English, and have grown up with the opportunity and ability to understand more than one culture.

We have only one significant difference: if I were to speak Swedish in a hallway, nobody would suspend me. It is, unfortunately and unfairly, a true statement; let me explain. I don’t pose a threat. See, Swedes are everywhere but we’re spread out and we blend. We’re considered okay because we’re Europeans and even though many people have no idea where Sweden is on a map, I don’t endure as many hurtful stereotypes and nicknames as my Mexican friends. I fly under the radar because I’m white. It always surprises friends when I hear someone speaking Swedish on the street and jump in and start speaking to them.

But I’m no different from Zach.

Fear is the only reason Zach was suspended. That’s why he poses a threat and I don’t. Nobody is scared of a Swedish person because there aren’t enough of us around to make anyone fear that we’re becoming a majority (and for the record, we’re not all white… Sweden is changing, too). There is no fear that Swedish will become the national language of the U.S., that Swedes will force everyone to shop at IKEA and eat meatballs every Sunday, that Swedes are using up all the tax dollars because we’re printing extra voting materials in a different language. See my point? It’s not only in Kansas where incidents like this suspension happen, it’s just not always visible.

The thing is, we are lucky and we don’t even appreciate it. In the U.S., we are surrounded by the opportunity to learn about various people and places, taste foods from around the world, spend time in neighborhoods with unique characteristics and energy, learn new dances or traditions, hear new music, and listen to languages we don’t understand while observing body language or facial expressions to try and understand. But rather than relish in our differences, many let fear overcome any ability to appreciate something foreign.

"Fear is not the natural state of civilized people." ~ Aung San Suu Kyi

Zach received an apology for his suspension last week. To me, the incident is a clear reminder that we still have a long way to go.

Something is missing

2005-12-08T08:38:00.000-08:00

Here is a quote from a CNN.com story that disturbs me, said to a crowd of 2,600 yesterday:

I love to engage in repartee with people who are stupider than I am.

This was said by Ann Coulter, a conservative columnist speaking at the University of Connecticut.

It does not matter what side of the political fence one leans, this was a very unprofessional, immature way to address and handle an audience; even a jeering one. In all fairness, it is equally disturbing that pies were thrown at Ann during a 2004 speech she made at a different college.

I just wish I could understand why we don’t try harder to be civilized. It is disheartening that professionalism, integrity and maturity are words I rarely see put into action by public figures nowadays. Something is missing.

Baggage not worth keeping

2005-12-07T11:37:00.000-08:00

Ah, baggage. I'm not talking about the kind we store in the overhead compartment on a flight, I'm referring to the kind that keeps us from moving forward: emotional baggage. It's a word that is whispered behind our back; nobody wants to be known for having baggage. The truth is that at some point, most of us are hanging onto a few unnecessary items but unpacking baggage is a realistic possibility; one I highly recommend and recently learned to do.

At a comedy club a few weeks ago, my friend Kelly and I were seated behind the front table where a group of five generated a steady supply of amusing material for the comedian. The group consisted of two couples and one single friend. As the entire audience soon learned, one woman in the group was seated between her ex-husband, who had his arm stretched across the back of her chair, and her new husband with whom she was holding hands. Her ex-husband’s new wife was seated next to him on the other side, they were holding hands, and she brought along a friend to the show who sat on her other side. I would guess that everyone at that table was in their mid-forties and, personally, I found it a bit strange that they could tolerate a night out together. And then my college ex called this weekend, after two years of e-mail only communication, and my mind changed about that group.

He needed a friend and I offered to lend an ear over drinks; non-alcoholic just in case. I met him nine years ago. We were on-off for five years, lived together for one, and beyond being a career reference for him (he's a good guy despite our personal issues), haven't spoken or seen each other since he and my former best friend started dating. We were still living together then and technically we were broken up, but at the time it felt like our ending was similar to a bad made for T.V. movie where the main character realizes the two people she trusts most aren't exactly who they appear to be; enter my baggage.

My ex and I were in the same class for one semester of college. By the second day of class, he moved to a seat next to me and remained there the entire semester. It took him three months to ask me out and three months later we transferred to different colleges. He decided on a college in his hometown, Los Angeles, and I moved to the Bay Area where my major was offered as a B.S., not just a concentration attached to another major.

He proposed to me, in a drunken state, on our last day of classes. I said no, I was only 19 and he was 24, so instead we kept the relationship going with frequent trips north and south. He was introduced to my friends and family and I was introduced to his friends and family. We explored everything in Los Angeles together from the Getty Center to Venice Beach and up north we covered Tiburon to Big Sur. He moved north after college.

Enter my best friend from high school. A curvy, lively attorney who completed her undergraduate degree in three years, also lived in the Bay Area, and flirted with every guy I’d ever dated. I thought nobody I dated would fall for that and invited her everywhere with us. Then, he fell for it and her. Since we were broken up but living together, I had asked her not to pursue him until I moved out. It didn’t happen that way and I carried a chip on my shoulder for a good year, okay two, because of the sour ending. When he called me on Thanksgiving that year just to say hello, two months after he helped me move into my own apartment, I didn’t step outside for the rest of the afternoon.

Funny, then, how at present day I didn’t hesitate to be there for him when he called. She broke off their year-long engagement and I honestly was not happy, I was sad to hear the news. They made a good couple. Plus, I thought they were already married so it came as a surprise.

See, after that Thanksgiving I realized all I was doing was setting myself up for failure with self-pity, Haagen-Daz and the occasional switch to Ben & Jerry’s. There really was no reason for it, we clearly weren't right for each other and I was just holding onto the hurt and disappointment of how it ended. Emotions get the best of us sometimes but slowly and surely I began to heal. Bad memories faded, good ones remained, I got rid of the ice cream, started dating again and life resumed. I didn't even flinch at his call.

And I understand now how the group in the comedy club can enjoy, not just tolerate, an evening out together: by getting past that chip on the shoulder, or baggage, and moving on. I always considered my ex a very genuine and nice guy, it didn't seem fair to hold a grudge several years later because he wasn't the love I thought he would be; he was certainly the friend I knew him to be. So, I will take the time to show my support, or grab a drink and listen to him vent about his broken engagement, because some baggage is not worth keeping and his friendship is not worth losing. Consider my baggage unpacked.

Savvy research

2005-12-05T14:58:00.000-08:00

I read an interesting article on MSNBC today titled When Murder Hits the Blogosphere. You may recall November headlines from Pennsylvania about the 18-year-old boyfriend who allegedly killed the parents of his 14-year-old girlfriend while she stood next to him. The article centers around the following:

...as the story of the double murder and the two missing teens hit the news, hundreds of curious, savvy Web surfers found Kara and David's MySpace profiles and Xanga blogs. It didn't take long for reporters to begin doing the same thing. A photo used by numerous news Web sites was also from the MySpace profile of Kara's best friend. MSNBC was first to report the teens' interests found listed online.

This fascinated me because I would never think to research the teenagers beyond the news story. I would wonder what provoked the alleged murders but I probably wouldn’t start hitting all the MySpace type sites. However, in all fairness, I do have a tendency to google any new guy I date just to make sure things check out properly; sometimes information pops up, sometimes it doesn’t.

The point is, it’s not uncommon to have a blog or MySpace profile. It’s an easy way to stay connected and share our thoughts or expertise on various subjects with anyone. And like most things, there are risks involved. In the case of the teenagers involved in this incident, some of their friends linked to their MySpace pages were subjected to high volumes of comments and messages from people who knew nothing about them or the situation:

Some MySpace users even traveled to the pages of Kara and David's friends, glutting their comment space with hate-filled invective. One friend of Kara's cancelled her account.

When one chooses to have a site, even if it’s a MySpace account intended for friends, it’s considered public. Discretion is advised. And a good rule of thumb: don't do, say or write anything that you don't want to read on front page news.

Friday morning commute

2005-12-02T08:46:00.000-08:00

You can see the silhouettes of cars and trucks on the bottom overpass heading north.

The process of maturing

2005-12-01T14:30:00.000-08:00

It’s funny how maturity shapes us without any ability to pinpoint the exact time it occurs. It’s a natural progression without timelines.

For me, this realization came during a recent game night with friends. There we were, a group of adults playing Catch Phrase and Guesstures while drinking Appletinis and beer, and it hit me that I was in a different phase of life. I had conquered another step in the direction of maturity.

I never thought I would outgrow Legos, Hot Wheels or Barbies, then it was MTV I couldn’t live without, and next came the college parties and library study groups followed by the bar scene and late night recovery food at diners. That was the time when it was unclear what direction I was heading in or who I was and where I wanted to be.

Here I am now, exchanging recipes with friends and trying to remember their kids birthdays, enjoying the game nights and knowing there’s no other place I’d rather be on those evenings. I don’t jump to the comics first when I read the paper anymore (but I still read them) and I wonder why the teenager in the car that just passed feels the need to race everyone to the next stoplight.

That’s when I realize I’m not old, I’ve just been there. I used to be the speed racer, I’ve had friends take my car keys away from me until I sobered up, and I’ve made plenty of bad choices along the way. But I’m maturing, it’s subtle but it happens when you least expect it.

And when I want to tell someone younger than me why they shouldn’t do this or that, I try to bite my tongue. You mature through the experiences that shape you and we should all have a chance to figure things out on our own with enough help to make smart decisions along the way.

A sensitive topic

2005-11-29T09:01:00.000-08:00

There is an interesting article on BBC News online today regarding abortion; a good read on a sensitive topic.

I’m pro-choice and I don’t believe that automatically labels me a bad person. It simply means that I don’t feel it’s my decision to decide what my neighbor, coworker, or the woman in line behind me at the grocery store should do with her body. I don’t think the government should decide that for her or me, either. Of course I'm for life, but I'm also for choice. All pro-choice means is that it’s up to the individual to decide.

One of my brother's was not planning on becoming a father as soon as he did. Granted, he’s 32, but you haven’t met my brother and you’d understand better if you did. He’s an airline pilot and he has the classic, stereotypical pilot looks, down to the chiseled jaw line. The thought of having a child scared him beyond words. He and his girlfriend did decide to have their baby; abortion wasn’t an option for them. But you know what, it was their decision. And they make a great family, are very happy together and great parents … on their terms.

The important thing to remember is that the option was there if they decided to use it and it’s not my business if they had gone that route or not. I fear for the women, especially teenagers, who might not have an option because even if abortion was illegal or parental consent was needed, it would continue in unsanitary, back alley style. I hope this country does not step backward any further on this issue. It has already stepped back far enough in several states.

Update: A related article on CNN.com today if interested.

It's about the experience

2005-11-23T08:08:00.000-08:00

Even during the holiday season when people start losing their patience and humor, I still love airports. Luggage restrictions, weight requirements, long lines, people attached to their electronic devices, people screaming at their kids are all minor inconveniences.

Of course, I call this a minor inconvenience now because I haven’t technically been the one to travel lately. I picked up my brother and his wife a few weeks ago at SFO, my home away from home, and last week I met my parents at SFO to grab a coffee with them before saying bye to my mom as she left for a trip. But I never do pick-ups, drop-offs or hellos and goodbyes at the curb; I always park and go inside because my love of airports stems from the people-watching-and-wondering aspect.

I love watching and wondering where someone is going or coming from, who they’re meeting on the other end, are they coming back or were they just visiting, business or pleasure, is that their wife or daughter they’re hugging goodbye (hey, sometimes you can’t tell!), why does that pair look so distant, and there’s a family with matching tropical shirts and serious tans that must be returning from Hawaii… the possibilities are endless.

And then there’s flying itself. When I fly, it is a relief just to make it onto the plane and sit down but sometimes you’re lucky enough to meet interesting people. I have had the opportunity to sit next to a college professor, a mother of four traveling to visit a sick relative, a man who never looked up from his book, a woman who softly snored, a man heading to Kuwait to continue work in the oil industry (that flight left from Houston, go figure), a man heading back to college after visiting family in Italy, a Mr. T look-alike (minus the gold chains and mohawk) who spoke fluent Swedish, and my favorite was the woman whose husband was stuck in a different row – but when I offered to switch – turned out she was fine taking a break from him and we ended up chatting away. And at the end of these flights there is usually no exchange of phone numbers or e-mails; just a simple farewell and thanks for making the flight enjoyable.

And that’s what I love about airports and flying. It’s the experience. It’s a moment where lives briefly intersect, on the ground or in flight, each leaving some kind of impression unique to us.

We're in this together, like it or not

2005-11-21T08:08:00.000-08:00

Ya know, here’s the thing. Most Americans are good at sharing and reaching out. Don’t laugh, really, we are. Sure, we’ll donate to help tsunami and hurricane victims, we’ll support our coworker’s children by buying cookies or wrapping paper for school fundraisers, and of course we’ll give the homeless guy an extra dime or two if we have it on us as we leave a store.

Oh, and don’t forget company potlucks. Yes, we’ll stay up until 11 p.m. making that pasta salad to feed 50+ people or pitch in $20+ for the boss’s retirement gift.

But we have a flaw through all this charity and giving we do with glowing pride and how-great-am-I-for-pitching-in attitudes. The flaw is the inability to look beyond our feet, our immediate surroundings, and prepare or consider what might happen ahead for ALL of us.

The House passed a budget bill Friday. And here’s who will pay because of the proposed cuts – the poor, the students, and the farmers.

C’mon America, open your eyes and look ahead. I don’t like paying taxes either, but if we don’t pitch in and help out by doing our part for our country, our children AND our elderly, our environment, our future, then we’re going to leave a huge chunk of our people behind because nobody pitched in – the poor, the students, and the farmers. And all we'll be left with is a poor, uneducated nation with a huge deficit and no food.

Let's take better care of each other.

Update: Let's take better care of each other locally and globally. (Thanks for pointing that out, Monika.)

One more of the Altamont

2005-11-18T08:08:00.000-08:00

I finally transferred my latest batch of digital photos to the computer and ran across this shot of the Altamont from the same Sacramento drive I took several weeks ago for work. Last Altamont photo... really. Time for a change in scenery, especially as the leaves are changing color here.

Looking for leadership

2005-11-17T00:08:00.000-08:00

I was watching the NewsHour a few nights ago and a very well-spoken essay by Richard Rodriguez stuck with me. I feel that it echoes what many of us think but don't necessarily take time to say or discuss. I had to share, here's the essay and I recommend listening to it if possible:

RICHARD RODRIGUEZ: In those days after Hurricane Katrina, many remembered Rudolph Giuliani. On Sep. 11, the clear blue sky had seemed to collapse, and the mayor of New York strode down the roiling street, barking orders, oblivious of his own safety.

He embodied the resilience of his city and whatever measure one had previously taken of the man, that day it was clear. There was a leader.

After Katrina, television cameras searched and searched but never found their Giuliani. And so the argument in the aftermath of the storm was about the failure of leadership.

History does not always test the powerful. Potentially great leaders fade into obscurity because they do not preside over calamity. But pity the powerful who are tested by history -- and fail.

All of us can name people who are powerful in America. But who can name leaders from among their ranks? Whether in Washington or at the state capitol, whether on Wall Street or in some church hierarchy, there is power, not leadership.

From Rome there is news that the Vatican intends to purge homosexuals from the ranks of clergy in order to avoid future pedophilia scandals, but the greatest scandal within the Church has been the failure of bishops as moral leaders.

In corporate America, the CEO sells his stock before the plunge or rewards himself even as his company fails.

We have grown so used to seeing corporate America in handcuffs we are becoming a soft and cynical people. We are entertained by the vulgarity of Donald Trump and his humiliation of the underling.

(DONALD TRUMP: All right. Brian, you're fired.)

The relationship of the powerful to the crowd is stuff of high drama. It was Shakespeare's concern: the lives of kings and princes. We groundlings in the pit are not Prince Hal, but in becoming king, Hal learns to embody the character of his people.

In a democracy, we do not elect leaders exactly. We elect representatives to work the will of the people. But we like to think that we appraise the character of those we elect.

(FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT: The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.)

A leader emerges often in times of duress by finding the true meaning of his position and task: As president, as governor, as mayor.

There is often a risk in leadership. The leader assumes the danger the crowd faces and more. The general leads his men into battle; the captain is the last to abandon the ship.

In today's America, men and women of the working class are paid to fight wars the powerful never risk.

Princess Diana, dysfunctional, perhaps slightly mad, seemed to me a true leader, instinctive in ways that appropriate Queen Elizabeth will never be. Princess Diana could touch people -- literally touch the wounded. And a nation recognized their suffering in her suffering.

The ritual of hands touching hands is a staple of modern politics. It derives from an ancient belief that the anointed hand of the royal had healing power. But what happens when this ceremony is only theatrical and the powerful inhabit a world unconnected in a common fate?

The failed Boston cardinal is awarded a palace in Rome; the ex-con has her TV show again. The floodwaters recede to reveal a network of contracts and cronies.

My concern here is not with the falling popularity of Republicans or with the failure of Democrats to say what they stand for beyond an envy of power. My concern here is with the disconnection between power and leadership in America.

In this time of the absence of leaders we groundlings in the pit might ask how we have come to have such kings and princes as these.

I'm Richard Rodriguez.

Too loud to ignore

2005-11-16T17:08:00.000-08:00

I was the first to arrive to a dinner last night and decided to wait outside the restaurant as the full party had to be present in order to be seated. I plopped down in a chair at the outdoor patio facing the street and across the empty road, thanks to the weeknight, stood a couple fighting. I hadn’t noticed them when I arrived and they were too busy fighting to be aware of me, but I could not believe some of the vulgar words shouted by the man to the woman who looked defeated and embarrassed. Part of me wanted to intervene and the other part of me thought it best, and logical, to mind my own business.

The couple stood out because of the man’s high volume, plus I happened to catch a news segment the night before about a woman trying to leave an abusive husband. The program made only her shadow visible and her voice had been changed to protect her from a man who had left threatening phone messages regarding their kids, broke her windshield with his bare hands and stalked her to the point she had surveillance cameras installed on her property. Good for her, I thought. She is managing to pull through in spite of the horrendous ordeal.

This couple fighting in the street seemed to be teetering that border where the relationship can’t necessarily be labeled abusive (based on this public display) but it hit a nerve -- I had too much time to think while waiting -- that some women are in this position where they feel helpless, scared, nowhere-to-turn-for-help, but-I-love-him, but-he’s-not-always-like-this, but-he-pays-the-bills. And it especially bothered me because I do have a friend who has been hit but still wants the relationship to work out; she was only hit once but once is enough in my book. And equally bad, I have another friend who is emotionally and verbally abused… and still wants to work it out.

”Leave,” I tell her as kindly as I can muster. “I know I should, I know that’s the right thing to do, but I can’t help that I’m in love with him,” comes the routine answer I've heard for years.

Ugh.

There is nothing worse than standing by a friend and wanting to provide support, lend an ear, give a hand, while screaming inside can’t-you-see-this-will-continue-if-you-stay. Believe me, I’m honest with my friends in this situation and I don’t understand why their own parents and siblings still let these men visit or stay with their daughters/sisters, but at some point a woman needs to face the truth and bite the bullet. Suck up the pride and move away if need be, find a new circle of friends, just find a safe place to start fresh and not be tempted to look back. No, you’re not worthless without him and of course you deserve better; any human does. It’s not easy to stay strong and it’s often not an easy road but it’s worth it.

I have never been in an abusive relationship but I have been in one where outwardly, to friends and family, I was treated much better than I was behind the scenes. The hardest but most rewarding lesson from that relationship was realizing that I was responsible for my choices. I dated him, I allowed him to treat me poorly, and in the end it was also I who packed up his various items around my apartment, drove over to his place, ended the relationship in-person, and drove away crying for two days. I knew I would lose his friends, that I would miss certain things, that I would wake up alone, and that was fine by me. I made the choice not to say goodbye via e-mail, I faced my problem head-on, cordially, and I moved forward.

And I so desperately want to help my friends in much, much worse situations, including that woman across the road from the restaurant, but I can share my opinions and lessons learned until I’m blue in the face because I won't really be heard. At some point, a person must stand up for himself/herself when enough is enough and have the courage to take control and move forward.

Finger pointing gets old

2005-11-12T08:08:00.000-08:00

One reason we're not moving forward in this country is because we’re too busy pointing fingers and assigning blame when we should be taking responsibility and making smarter decisions.

Someone made a good point to me recently that I might not agree with 100% but certainly raises the let-me-give-this-more-thought eyebrow:

This is the only country where people vote against their best interests.

(That perspective does not apply to recent election results; what a brief breath of fresh air.)

Rewind button

2005-11-10T08:08:00.000-08:00

This is where I’d like to be today. At the home of my morster and morbror (aunt & uncle) in Sweden, taking in the end of summer together like I did last year. I wish I could press the rewind button.

My uncle has been living with Leukemia for years and for the most part, it hasn’t been discussed because it was something he managed to keep under control. Until now. The past two months he has been going to the hospital for blood transfusions and this week he is stuck at the hospital. I know it is now at the worry stage because my aunt, a strong but quiet force with a heart of gold, is worried enough that we have all taken notice. I come from an extremely stubborn family so I know it’s bad when the stubbornness is set aside and emotional support is requested.

And stubbornness aside, we’re all very close; many thanks to the postal service and the invention of e-mail. But today I wish I could hop a plane and spend time with my uncle. And I will, as soon as possible.

My brother the father

2005-11-08T17:08:00.000-08:00

My older brother, also known as ohmygod-your-brother-is-so-hot growing up, celebrated his daughter’s first birthday recently. He lives on the opposite coast and I wasn’t able to join in the festivities this time, but it is still amazing to watch how fatherhood has turned my brother into a man.

Girls in high school would dedicate songs to my brother on the radio. He was popular, good looking and he knew it; a lethal combination for sensitive hearts. One flash of his pearly whites and girls would giggle themselves silly. I often wanted to stand behind him when he talked to girls and hold up a sign reading “run now, thank me later”. He is the reason I can spot a player a mile away. He is also the reason I don’t date players (alright, so I was oblivious to one or two).

Then fatherhood hit. He had just purchased his first home and was wondering where to place a pool table in his bachelor pad. Next thing he knew it was goodbye bachelor pad, hello family and baby room.

And you know what? Fatherhood is the best thing that ever happened to him. He can change a diaper in twenty seconds flat, check the weather to make sure he has a warm sweater handy for his daughter, and the way he speaks proudly about his family leaves me speechless. Mr. Selfish has become Mr. Family Man. One flash of his daughter’s four pearly whites and my brother giggles himself silly.

Jack London Square

2005-11-06T10:08:00.000-08:00

I was in Oakland last night.

“Gasp!”

That’s the standard reaction. Oakland has a bad reputation; mainly from news stories about murders, gang violence, shootings, rapes, robberies… did I miss anything? Probably. It also has a bad reputation from friends experiences and friends-of-friends experiences. For example, I knew a couple whose two cars were broken into often enough that they ended up buying a motorcycle and parking it in their apartment. They have since moved.

I like Oakland. Perhaps not enough to live there but Oakland is a very interesting place with cultural diversity, good views and proximity to San Francisco. I try never to let a bad reputation spoil a good place.

I was at Jack London Square listening to jazz last night.

"Whew. That’s better."

Over the Altamont

2005-11-02T17:18:00.000-08:00

Wind energy in the making over the Altamont Pass.

"Gangstas" can dress smart, too

2005-10-31T17:08:00.000-08:00

The NBA dress code story and opinions are interesting because my opinion on the matter, and it’s only my opinion, covers personal experience with two main perspectives. First, I have friends across the board: hip-hop “gangsta” types to uptight corporate types. And when you get to know them, none of them actually live up to the stereotype placed on them because of their appearance. Second, I work for a living just like the NBA men do. The basketball court is their workplace.

Here’s why I’m mentioning the NBA story in the first place. I was watching a program I like and the Caucasian host was interviewing one of his favorite African-American NBA players and he said: “Don’t you feel like this dress code issue has racial undertones?” And I found the response by the player to be very honest and thought-provoking: “You know, no. I dress up in a suit on my own because I like to and plenty of my teammates dress in their own style. For them it might feel that way but a black man can wear a suit just like a white man can.”

See how he spun that? Think about it.

What is wrong with a black man, woman or any other person from various backgrounds wearing a suit? It doesn’t make you white, it simply makes you appear professional. And believe me, I have seen plenty of men (and women) in suits and "smart-casual attire" act inappropriately – so the suit doesn’t make the person, not after you meet them anyhow.

I wear whatever I want when I’m not at work and when I’m at work, I do dress professionally because I want to present myself in a manner that garners respect (not that I get any) for myself and for my organization. Yes, it’s required but I also want to be taken seriously when I meet with a vendor or client.

The basketball court is the workplace for the basketball stars. I agree that some of the commissioner’s dress code requests might be a bit much but to present the NBA in a slightly more professional manner when you’re sidelined doesn’t have to take away from who you are as a person. Like I mentioned, anyone can still be a jerk in a suit or semi-professional attire – but wear it because you like what you do for a living and you want to be taken seriously.

Save your street clothes for when you’re off the clock, like I do. Tomorrow’s kids, also known as our future and the people taking care of us when we’re old, are looking up to you – don’t you, as a player and role model, want to keep a little respect moving across the generations? It's not too much to ask when given thought, show a little respect and you’ll get some in return.

And for the record, all my black friends say I dance good for a white girl. Peace out.

Pumpkin carving has changed

2005-10-29T08:08:00.000-07:00

Ah, October. Crisp air, colorful leaves, a group of friends and stenciled pumpkins.

That’s right, stenciled pumpkins. One more reason to be lazy. See the pumpkin on the far right in the photo? That’s my pumpkin. The market is crawling with fancy carving tools but I opted to go the big spoon and kitchen knife route this year. I’m surprised nobody else followed, c’mon guys, remember how fun it was to use our imagination when we were young?

Look, it has ears. Extra points for the nostrils, too, I say. It was supposed to have two teeth but I accidentally chopped one. I lost control of the kitchen knife.

Conveniently speaking

2005-10-28T07:58:00.000-07:00

I am not a clothing label person. In fact, I only shop when absolutely necessary. Quality, yes. Style, sure. Oversized logo on the side of my sunglasses, no.

So imagine my surprise when on my way home last night, after realizing I had forgotten marinara sauce and had a friend coming over for dinner, the woman behind the convenience store counter asked “Is that an I. Magnin raincoat?”

Nevermind that it wasn’t raining. This was the one solid raincoat I inherited from a friend and it was indeed I. Magnin. No visible label, no logo. Black, belt around the waist, hood, and very comfortable.

“How did you know?”

”I just do.”

Wow. She forgot to mention my $15 black strappy heels.

Hadrian's Wall

2005-10-26T07:08:00.000-07:00

I joined a friend for dinner yesterday and although we stand on different sides of the political fence, he pointed out something that I hadn't thought of but was almost blatantly obvious. We were discussing the plight of education in this country and he said:

Do you ever notice that when you read the BBC News, things like Hadrian's Wall are never explained? It goes without saying that people (in Europe) know what it is. When you read U.S. news sources and they discuss, for example, the Mason-Dixon line, it's followed by a summary because it's a part of history not everyone knows.

One more reason not to cut education funding in this country.

41 years

2005-10-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

My parents celebrate 41 years of marriage this week.

Growing up I remember watching how difficult it was for friends with divorced parents, it wasn’t the norm at the time. At some point the tables turned and I became the odd person out because my parents were still married. Funny how things change.

My parents are best friends. It is borderline nutty how madly in love my dad still is with my mom. He still calls her if he’s out and asks if he can pick anything up for her. He still makes coffee and good breakfasts. He listens. He gives her space. And she does the same for him.

When I was 21, I remember going through a really rough time with a guy I was dating. I thought he had potential but what did I know, he was my first “serious serious” boyfriend. In hindsight I was seriously delusional. But I was finally at that age where the juicy family stories begin to be shared and I remember my dad’s roundabout way of providing advice. He said:

You know, there was a time when it would have been easy to leave. But my life wouldn’t be half as fun without your mom and I chose to work through any problems we had.

I'm not sure that's verbatim but that’s the day I knew I was screwed forever. I knew from that point on I could never settle for less than someone willing to fight for me without being asked. It’s also the day I should have broken up with my boyfriend but that would happen soon enough.

My parents are a team. They have celebrated immense highs and suffered extreme lows and like any great team, they have a story about how it all began. I won’t give it away but it starts like this:

She was a foreign exchange student. He had never met anyone like her…

They speak Swedish in Sweden

2005-10-21T17:08:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the local do-it-yourself car wash stalls unintentionally help you meet new people. Usually because the machine that only takes dollars in exchange for tokens is rejecting your crispy new bills that you purposely saved for the event.

It happened to me recently. And as I went back to my car to dig for crispier dollar bills that I knew didn't exist but hoped would miraculously appear, a gentleman pulled into the next stall and fed the machine dollar upon dollar with zero problem. I should have asked him to help me select the winning Lotto numbers with his luck.

At this point I had made my way back to the machine in time for his last dollar to be fed, and upon seeing my dilemma he kindly offered to trade some of my dysfunctional dollars for his beloved dollars. We got to talking, checked out each other's vehicles and he asked, "What's that 'S' on the back of your car stand for?"

"Sweden," I said.

"Oh, neat, so you're Swedish. Do they speak Swiss or Sweden there?" he asked.

"They speak Swedish in Sweden," I said.

"You speak it?" he asked.

"I sure do," I replied. "That's all my mom speaks to me."

"I'd love to go to Switzerland someday," he said.

"You should go to Sweden when you have the chance, it's a beautiful country," I said.

I said thanks again and we exchanged friendly goodbyes before we headed off to our stalls for a fast rinse, scrub, wash, wax marathon in the limited time the tokens provided. And while scrubbing away and trying not to miss a spot, I had to wonder how this kind middle-aged gentleman in his green Chevy Suburban who probably had two or three grade school aged kids didn't know more about geography. He's not the first person to confuse Sweden and Switzerland.

Spam unites strangers

2005-10-20T07:45:00.000-07:00

I was met with a lovely message in my work inbox Wednesday from someone I've never met: I can't read these things at my work. Please don't send anymore. I don't even know who you are, but I keep getting mail from you. Beneath her note she had forwarded a message from MY address that read: Please read the important document. A note I would never send without a hello or goodbye.

It took a moment to let the message digest. Who, what, why are these messages being sent? I am notorious for locking or shutting down my computer when away from my desk, so it must be some kind of wacky-virus-computer-thing issue. I clearly had no clue. I replied to the message, apologized and cc'd her on a note to our IT department.

In the meantime, this stranger and I shared a string of discussion about spam and work. She made the spam-fighting effort on both our parts worth it by replying to one message: Thank you so much for addressing this. I don't know you, but I like you already. Who knew that two lines was all it took to make my day?!

I later received word from IT that a machine was infected with a worm that was sending spam mail through its contact list. All was fixed but who knows how many other people are receiving odd messages from legitimate addresses. I don't have the answer but I know this: I'm never throwing away the kind reply from my spam-fighting acquaintance.

Act of kindness

2005-10-14T07:58:00.000-07:00

I had to drive to Sacramento for a work-related project and one Adopt a Highway sign I passed was sponsored by Random Act of Kindness. Made my day.

Photo taken Wednesday driving over the Altamont Pass into the central valley.

Not another bad decision

2005-10-13T16:50:00.000-07:00

The idea of moving has crossed my mind since the current administration came into office and I just read that it gets to make yet another bad decision. Oops, did I say "bad" out loud? Alan Greenspan is stepping down in January and I'm worried who will be selected to become the next Federal Reserve boss.

How much longer will this country screw itself, pardon the expression, before people realize that taxes are useful in many cases, more people fall into poverty in this country each year, you get a tax break (in CA) for driving a big ol' smog-inducing Hummer, and following one religion as a nation isn't something we should encourage?

Okay, stepping off the soapbox now.

Unchanging change

2005-10-07T17:00:00.000-07:00

An independent bookstore near me was saved!!

Maybe the world isn’t heading into as steep of a downward spiral as I thought.

Politicians let us down, nobody responds to a friendly hello anymore and everything is starting to look too similar, down to homes, stores and in extreme cases, people. Even my sacred IKEA in East Palo Alto looks exactly like IKEA in Sweden – wait, that’s not actually a bad thing. Point is, daily findings and experiences can be downright depressing but every now and then an uplifting story comes along and highlights reasons to find inspiration and try harder.

This local bookstore was and is, if you will, an icon in this area. It has been around since the ‘50s and has a great selection of reading materials in an atmosphere that begs one to return. The thought of it closing was too much for the community to ignore and it now has financial backing and volunteer support from area residents. I thought the meaning of community was dead but this goes to show that people can pull together and make great things happen.

Change is inevitable but it feels good knowing that exceptional places sometimes get to stay. And it’s all thanks to the community that made change, or unchange, happen.

Sunrise... sort of

2005-10-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

I'm on deadline and have been coming in early to work this week.

Even though the driving and slow shutter speed resulted in a blurry photo, I do enjoy the blend of street lights with natural light.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

2005-10-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

At 15, I didn’t know anyone with cancer. I heard stories but it was always about people who seemed very distant or unreal.

At 28, I know at least five people and five friend-of-a-friend individuals who have, had, or lost their life to breast cancer. I have a dear relative abroad with a blood-related cancer. I lost a very close family friend to a lymph node cancer. I know two people who are no longer here because of brain tumors. I have one family friend abroad whose breast cancer is spreading to her brain.*

Between ages 15 and 28, I learned something very important:

It doesn’t matter if we don’t know anyone with cancer. It matters that we care and support one another as humans.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

* She passed away October 8, 2005 in Sweden.

Cold mornings, warm afternoons

2005-09-28T12:31:00.000-07:00

The season is about to change on this side of the Bay. That thin layer of morning dew will soon become a plush layer of fog and the brown hills will turn green. The mornings are too chilly to be without a jacket and the afternoons are too hot for closed-toe shoes. By 7 p.m. it’s chilly again and time to find that jacket.

Autumn is near.

(ignore the dirt & reflections, was too cold to roll down the car window.)

8-track & Beta

2005-09-26T12:00:00.000-07:00

I constantly joke that my parents are the only people who still have a Beta, VHS and DVD player stacked neatly on top of the other, each plugged in with the accurate time displayed. And on a separate shelf resides the plugged in 8-track player. Whenever I visit I get on my when-are-you-going-to-donate horse and ultimately get kicked off for lack of compassion toward the museum pieces.

Now I must swallow my attitude because I came to appreciate their “living museum” this weekend.

A childhood friend of mine turned 36 Friday and I joined her for dinner with four of her friends, two couples, at a very nice restaurant on the peninsula. The couples were in their mid-late 40s and the topic of 8-tracks came up. This was my first time meeting everyone and one gentleman turned to me, without knowing my age, and said “You’re too young to remember 8-tracks, yes?”

And glowing with pride that I did know, I replied, “Actually, my parents still have a working 8-track player and use it from time-to-time.”

From that point on, I was in with everyone despite being the youngest at 28. It was a wonderful evening filled with non-stop conversation and wine, and all of us plan on doing it again soon.

The same gentleman turned to me at the end of the evening and said, "You must have cool parents."

"Yes, I sure do."

Over the hill to work

2005-09-21T17:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I can't pass up photographing things I see when the camera is with me in the car. And it's nearly impossible to photograph while driving, so I typically just hold up the camera, point and click, and hope for the best.

This shot was taken on the way home from work last week as I was driving over the "No Stopping Any Time" hill that takes me to and from the freeway. I swear I would take public transportation to work if it didn't mean taking a train followed by changing bus lines three times. In the meantime, I'll endure the 25-minute reverse commute down 101 or 280, depending on mood, to San Jose.

The thin brown layer above the hills is smog.

One person CAN ruin it for everyone

2005-09-19T17:00:00.000-07:00

I remember a grade school teacher, maybe two, telling the class that little Billy or Jane had just ruined it for everyone by cheating on a test or giving away an answer to everyone. Turns out it's true: one person can ruin it for everyone.

The ruiner-of-all-things-good for me, at the moment, is the current White House administration. I can only hope that evidence of how poorly Katrina was handled is enough for others to agree.

What really ticks me off, to put it kindly, is that this administration now wants to cover up one mess by creating a new one. It is actually being suggested that funds to Medicare for the elderly and portions of education programs be cut to help cover Katrina costs. Wow.

Here's the thing. If we understood that a tax increase in place of program cuts would help build a better society and help those in need, we might have a more positive perspective/understanding about its purpose.

If we viewed taxes as a Red Cross donation, we'd all be better off.

Driving me insane

2005-09-16T17:00:00.000-07:00

I enjoy driving but sometimes Bay Area drivers drive me insane.

However, I'm editing this post now. I previously listed top examples of driving maneuvers that annoy me but I've had a change of heart. These annoyances are minor compared to larger issues. Sharing the road with occasional bad drivers certainly isn't one of them.

I'll just enjoy sharing this photo instead.

(I shouldn't take photos while driving but I like the scenery. Photo taken on Highway 680)

Jaw still dropped

2005-09-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

I can't resist sharing what I heard this morning. Driving into work I caught the end of a female vs. male contest where a male caller is asked three questions about things women typically might know vs. the female who is asked three questions about topics a man might know.

There's a tie-breaker and here's the question, open to either contestant to shout first if they know the answer...

Q: Who is currently being questioned to become the new chief justice?

A: Rehnquist

My jaw literally dropped. I would understand this better if perhaps it was a history question, but this question is timely and has been covered for the past several weeks in the news, in papers, online. There's no excuse NOT to know, especially when you want to be quizzed by calling into a radio program. And it doesn't matter if the female or male shouted it out first, the second contestant was equally clueless.

Rehnquist recently passed away. The correct answer is John Roberts.

Today's two cents: stay informed. Then call the radio program.

Five-minute reflection

2005-09-13T17:18:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd take a minute or five to reflect and escape from the hub-bub of work and daily responsibilities.

Last year around this time, I was enjoying a slower pace of life while visiting family in Sweden. Each morning I'd wake up early and go for a jog down by the water. I have no idea how far I was jogging, I was very much at a beginner stage (still am!), but I took a disposable camera with me one morning and would stop at all the places that made my jog worthwhile. This photo with the boats is my favorite.

Sometimes it takes a big accident...

2005-09-12T17:00:00.000-07:00

...for changes to occur.

Ever notice that stoplights aren't added to dangerous intersections until "X" amount of fatal car accidents have shaken a community? One can complain for months on end about a dangerous area and only until there is significant proof that enough accidents have taken place -- which is inevitable -- do we see the stoplight installed.

Same concept applies when large-scale disasters like Katrina occur. All I read in the papers and see on the news now are headlines that read Are We Safe Enough?, Is the Bay Area Ready to Handle a Huge Disaster?, What You can do to Protect Your Family when Disaster Strikes.

At least we're thinking now.

Two steps in the wrong direction

2005-09-08T17:00:00.000-07:00

None of my gay friends actually grew up wanting to be gay. Plain and simple. Who wants to grow up and be harassed? Don't answer that, it's rhetorical. We are who we are, period.

Our brilliant California governor (I use "brilliant" sarcastically) is now going to veto a same-sex marriage bill because, according to him, it would conflict with the intent of voters when they approved an initiative five years ago. Five years ago! Times change, people change, we learn from each other, and this is the best argument the governor can think of... ugh. I'm disappointed yet again by potential progress that has slipped away.

I understand the traditions of marriage being between man-woman, but I also feel strongly that gays/lesbians should have and deserve rights like any human being. These are people like you and me who deserve equal opportunities.

I have seen the governor's movies but let me give my two cents: I didn't vote for this guy and I smell trouble ahead.

Today's word: prescient

2005-09-07T17:00:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons I enjoy reading the New York Times, and any publication for that matter, is the opportunity to learn a new word and its meaning. I’m in the habit of keeping a notepad next to me while reading and jotting down words I don’t understand, can’t pronounce, or have no clue how to define. I then find time to look them up and try to cleverly adapt them into my own vocabulary or for pure entertainment. By the way, very important to learn how to pronounce words correctly – I tried to pronounce a *big* word in front of a group of friends a few months ago and was laughed at for five painful minutes. I digress.

Today’s good word from the NY Times: prescient. I googled it and basically it means being able to understand or perceive the significance of an event before it occurs. The title of the NY Times article was Urgent Warning Proved Prescient regarding the bulletin sent by the National Weather Service the day before Hurricane Katrina detailing its “unprecedented strength”:

..."Most of the area will be uninhabitable for weeks, perhaps
longer," the alert went on.

I found it interesting that the alert (and most alerts) was written years in advance to match potential weather conditions in various areas, quickly encouraging people to stay safe, etc.

Here’s the thing. There's now this, uh, brilliant idea to launch an investigation into Hurricane Katrina and explore what went wrong with response time. Here’s a better idea: screw the investigation, go in and help the people like most Americans and others are doing, learn from the mistakes, work together NOT to make mistakes like this again, and above all, make sure future warnings of significance are taken seriously. Maybe then a happier headline will read Urgent Response Proved Prescient.

Nice view

2005-09-06T11:39:00.000-07:00

Lucked out with a clear day Sunday, met up with my parents and a family friend in the historic town of San Juan Bautista, CA. We ate lunch at Casa Rosa, a place we've been eating at since I was a baby. It really is painted pink, too. Then we wandered around and took in this view along the San Andreas fault. The grand finale of the afternoon included two pitchers of margaritas, chips & salsa, and the ongoing discussion of the depressing direction this country is headed. That only lasted until the buzz kicked in.

Preventable post-disaster

2005-09-02T17:30:00.000-07:00

There is enough information online, in the newspapers, on TV and radio about Hurricane Katrina yet I have to add a brief two cents.

Nobody knew that a tsunami would hit Asia but enough people knew that New Orleans was at risk of levees breaking, etc., and still the efforts to prevent the degree of devastation that has now occurred was an afterthought. I am disgusted and saddened by the unnecessary lives lost, homes destroyed, and hard work now completely gone for countless families.

Eject button

2005-08-31T08:08:00.000-07:00

Everyone and anyone should have access to an eject button twice a month. You press the button and are immediately transported to your destination of choice for the remainder of the day. It comes in handy if you're having a bad day, have reached your stress level limit, cannot take one more minute in traffic, do not want to hear one more depressing news story, or just need a brief escape to regain sanity. But only twice a month to avoid abuse of the eject button.

This bench in Carmel is my destination of choice.

(by the way, I took that photo with a disposable camera before I had the digital one)

Those clever Swedes...

2005-08-30T11:06:00.000-07:00

My coworker shared a fun article this morning about a library in the Swedish city of Malmö where you check out "Living Books" - as in, people. This was a special one-weekend-only project intended to "tear down prejudices about different religions, nationalities, or professions" by way of a 45-minute chat.

You could sit down with a journalist, gypsy, blind man, or other locally recruited person of interest (nine total) in the library's cafe, and ask questions about their lives, jobs or beliefs.

What a great concept! The project may continue if it's a success.

The proof is in the testing

2005-08-29T17:00:00.000-07:00

I read a fantastic op-ed column on the New York Times Web site today titled “Show Me the Science.” It’s about evolution vs. “intelligent design” written by a philosophy professor at Tufts University. He provides clear, well-written insight as to why science has a gigantic edge against non-scientific evolution theories. One of my favorite quotes from the column:

“To formulate a competing hypothesis, you have to get down in the trenches and offer details that have testable implications. So far, intelligent design proponents have conveniently sidestepped that requirement, claiming that they have no specifics in mind about who or what the intelligent designer might be.”

We will be much better off as a species if we stick to science.

It worries me that people, especially the president, are serious about teaching unscientific theories to students in, uh, science classes. When our society starts wandering away from logic and common sense in teaching, we risk providing false, untested information without solid reasoning to future generations.

Smaller than ants

2005-08-26T13:58:00.000-07:00

This photo comes from a recent Photos of the Week section on MSNBC, courtesy NASA.

To me, it's a friendly reminder, and hello from the Discovery shuttle, of how small we are.

We're smaller than ants from this angle. Let me tell you, if my mirror made me look this small, my body insecurities and those of most women would disappear... into space, no less.

It's no wonder...

2005-08-25T12:00:00.000-07:00

Today's what-a-fool quote comes from a story on CNN's Web site (posted yesterday). The headline is Robertson Apologizes for Assassination Call, referring to the religious broadcaster's opinion against Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez. Pat Robertson's "apology" includes:

"I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should
'take him out.' "

Um, I think it's safe to say that "take him out" and "assassination" are pretty much the same thing. It's no wonder Americans aren't popular right now.

I can't believe I dated an "Alfie"

2005-08-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

It is here, my first blog. I'm actually doing it... why, I'm not exactly sure, but why not? I enjoy reading thoughts and ideas shared by others so why not contribute to this mad new world of blogging. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I've decided to begin with a recent "rant" I posted on Craigslist. It was a reaction to my own self-realization that I have been dating the wrong type of guy. I received good feedback from people who could relate so perhaps it will touch others. Enjoy:

I just saw the movie "Alfie" and not only does Jude Law's character remind me of my ex but ironically, the ex recently reappeared asking my forgiveness for being a jerk (by the way, I'm the Marisa Tomei character in this scenario minus the fact I don't have kids). Don't worry, lesson learned and I would never date him again. We talked things through and are “friends” but not without a little ranting and raving on my end first to get it out of the system...

You know how you see potential in someone and you want so badly for them to figure that out while you're with them? There’s that feeling that you might have found someone sincerely wonderful with almost all the qualities you desire and you’re willing to overlook the flaws... and then you realize that although they're funny, clever, smart and charming, in truth they're actually very confused liars and their soul is empty? That is my Alfie.

We were together 11 months and you think as a smart woman I would have figured out how little I meant to him, but it wasn't until the last month (and a good friend who repeatedly chanted break-up-with-the-loser) that I finally gathered the nerve to break up with him. Let me quickly go through some of the clear signs I ignored in my ignorant state of bliss:

he ignored me at a sporting event he was playing in; he ignored me because he was flirting with the woman I stood next to when I walked up to say hello during half-time.

I went to a different sporting event with him plus an old-crush-but-we're-friends-now of his; now you'd think someone interested in their girlfriend would be courteous and sit in the middle. He actually sat next to her, leaving her in between us. (Yes, I told him how I felt about this and he said I was being silly… in all the scenarios I list here, Alfie, a.k.a. the ex, had brilliant responses that cleverly turned everything back on me)

He talked about moving in together ONCE and when we went out with friends he announced it to everyone. What?? He even said I didn't care where we moved when someone asked about location. He never even asked my opinion.

Me: I'll be out of the country for two weeks, would you please check my mail twice a week or feel free to just live at my place for two weeks? (he has roommates)... Him: I don't want to but thanks for asking.

Me: Let's take a road trip ... Him: No, don’t feel like it.

I could go on but you get the idea. Anyway, I finally realize that he loves ALL women and can't possibly be happy with me. And you know what, I wasn’t happy either and finally opened my eyes to a guy who was disrespectful, selfish, status-oriented, money-obsessed (yet rarely picked up the tab and let me pay for practically everything), constantly flirted with anything female, never asked how my day was… there I go again. Where was I? Oh, yes, so I break up with him and two days later he's with someone else (I learned this from the roommate); by the way, he had been in touch with this new girlfriend months before our breakup. Ah, ignorant bliss and hindsight - what a combo.

Fast forward four months later and he gets in touch, he comes over and we talk. (For the record, I invited him over – I don’t hate the guy, I’m over it and willing to be friends.) So he comes over looking for forgiveness because he realizes he was a jerk - or maybe he came over to clear his conscience and move on with a clean slate. Doesn't matter. So how did he come to this conclusion? HE'S DATING HIMSELF. He actually told me that he is now in my shoes during our relationship and she is him. He wants her to love him. Anyway, he just wanted to clear the air and apologize and that took guts; for that I give him credit. What I don’t give him credit for is the fact that he had the selfish balls to actually say “I just want you to know I never lied to you, I only told white lies” – Um, I’m sorry?… did you pour the lies through a spaghetti strainer and let only the little white lies pour out?? Puhleeze.

So I’ve come full circle with Alfie. I didn’t want to see what a punk he was in the beginning because he does ooze charm and I got stuck in it. Yes, it’s my fault and I take responsibility for not recognizing a sincerely good guy when I see one. But you know what, I’m okay being friends because it was a good lesson for me and he’s not a bad person – just a selfish, charming… you know.

My two tips for women who haven't had dated an Alfie yet:

1) Never date an Alfie (unless you need a good lesson!)

2) When someone truly loves you, they’ll make the effort without being asked. Simple as that. "Don't let anyone be reckless with your heart."

Did I mention you should never date an Alfie? Okay, good. Just checking.